The Hard Way
When you need someone
but they don’t need you anymore
and you wake up one dismal morning,
desperately alone, hungover,
and naked on the floor.
Because hitting rock-bottom
is exponentially more comfortable
when you can at least admire what ‘up’ looks like.
Crazy, wild, spontaneous adventures
Unlocked
Intimate surrenders of defenses
Producing a
Tumultuous whirlwind of a connection
Proving that
We needed each other.
I dove carelessly into building you up to face the world
as fearlessly as you face your mirror each morning.
I pushed selflessly for you to make it up that step,
then took a breath to have you look back at me,
miles away.
I loved you past the distance,
past the flurry of busy hearts and occupied minds;
And took a moment to simmer,
Basking in the glory of two stars,
bursting wildly with vigor and passion,
simultaneously.
Its strange
that two stars,
burning so brightly,
yet so differently,
will never burn exactly together,
never burn harmoniously.
Its crazy
how someone can get you hooked on them
and be oblivious to how heavy you’re getting
as they drag you along behind them,
forgetting that you are still connected.
And even after they cut free
it feels like you’re still dragging them around.
The feeling of giving more than you’re worth,
of giving your entire, vulnerable, warm flame to someone
when they don’t need you…
at least not anymore.
Thats what it feels like waking up on this floor.
Helpless Love
I stay awake at night
afraid of love.
not afraid of never finding love
or never being loved,
but of what will happen once I fall in love.
Scared of losing myself in love.
Scared of caring so much about someone
that it physically makes me ill
if I can’t have them.
Scared of needing them beside me
to be able to fall asleep at night.
And since I haven’t found that person yet,
My body stays up at night
waiting for my heart to stop screaming
and my soul to stop searching
for that other heart and soul
to match my pitch perfectly.
I want to sing in harmony,
have our spirits do scales
in perfectly jarring, dissonant suspensions.
I want it to be hard to swallow
our flavor of love.
I want it to be different from anything else
anyone else has ever imagined.
I want this love to be nothing like any love before.
I want one that is built to last.
I want it rough,
I want it long and tiring,
I want it to be too much to handle
and all consuming.
I want it to keep me smiling all day
because I’m so full of…
I want one that no one else understands.
I want one that no one else wants.
I want one that only knows my language.
I want one whose lips fit exactly to mine.
I want a love where the battery never dies.
take a sip of me
let the flavors seep too deep
spill the dirty truth
2:53 AM
I have a lot of feelings
and not enough words to fit them in,
not enough songs for them to scream through,
and not enough time to let them fade away.
I have a lot of feelings
and not enough people to channel them into.
I have a lot of feelings
and at the end of a long day
they all sit on my heart
and keep me awake,
halfway between leaking them into my sheets
and a constipated rage.
